Grumpy

I didn't wake up this morning feeling grumpy. But my mood has taken a turn for the worse practically from the moment I actually got out of bed. Now, I understand that all the "reasons" I'm feeling grumpy are stupid. What are those reasons? Let's see....

• I gained some weight back. Not all of it, obviously. But enough to make me feel annoyed. i understand that your weight can fluctuate, even within a day as much as 2 pounds. Let's just say it was more than that. And I've been continuing to eat well and exercise, so it pisses me off. Yeah, yeah, maybe I'm gaining muscle, which weighs more than fat. Well, whatever... I don't care why I gained it back. I'm just pissy that it came back at all.
• Running this morning sucked. It usually sucks, but I manage to make it through. I don't run fast (only 5 mph, which most people would call jogging. I call it running because it makes me feel more accomplished) and am up to running 1 and 1/4 miles continuously (which also doesn't sound like much, but I'm not a runner, so it's a lot for me). I've been doing that for almost 2 weeks, and have been fine with it. Today, getting that last lap in about killed me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I hated it. Just when I think I'm making some headway in the running, this happens and makes me not ever want to run again.
• Today (I'm pretty sure) is Juice's birthday. Now generally, he no longer affects my life on a daily basis. I'll think about him now and then, and miss him, but I move on. That's what I have to do. But of course, since it's his bday, I'm thinking about him more today than normal. Which makes me miss him even more. Or at least makes me miss having someone even more. And, since I'm a nice caring person (or maybe a glutton for punishment) I called him this morning to wish him a happy bday. Of course I got no answer and haven't heard back from him. I'm sure I won't.
• At lunch today, I heard a song that I played over and over again when The Reason and I broke up. It always made me cry and at that time, that's what I needed. Hearing it just made those feelings and that time come rushing back. And the lyrics still apply. Or at least the ones that applied back then, still apply. (In case you're wondering, the song is "Comfortable" by John Mayer).
• There was part of my that really hoped all my patients for the day would cancel. We had a huge snow storm here yesterday. I think I got about a foot at my house, and we're still in a level 2 snow emergency, which means don't drive unless you have to. None of my patients are ones that couldn't have waited a week to come in for their visit. Yet, none of them have cancelled. Their school is cancelled and yet they still feel the need to come in?! Fine. (I know I'm just being selfish and want another snow day, but I'm allowed).

I think that's all for now. So if anyone has something that would make me laugh, or just smile, today would be the day to share. I need something to try and pick my spirits back up.

Thank You Facebook

One of my resolutions should ahve been to get back to posting more regularly! I apologize for being so MIA, but you'll be glad to know that I've already smacked myself upside the head and told myself to get with the program! (Okay, not really, but it was a good visual). I just haven't had much to blog about lately. My life is good. I'm working out and eating well (already lost 12 pounds, which is insane if you ask me). Work is fine. No drama going on in my life. No men to worry about. All in all, I would give things a B+.

So Facebook, good ol' Facebook, decided to inform me a few days ago that The Reason went from being listed as "in a relationship" to being listed as "single." I'll admit that the first thought that went through my mind was, "Really?! Wow, that makes me happy." And then I immediately felt bad about being happy that his relationship ended. I don't want him back. I want him to have a good life and find someone to love who will love him as much as I did. But that's not me. So why would I be happy about it? I guess it goes back to not wanting his life to be better than mine. And I don't know if it is. But you know how it is when a relationship ends... you want to be the one to move on first. The one to begin a new relationship first. The one to not care about the other person or what they are doing, because you have more important things and people to care about. (Or maybe that's just me...)

And then I got to missing him. What?! I know! I thought I just said how I don't want him back. Which I don't. But looking at his Facebook page, seeing him, wanting to talk to him... it all came flooding back briefly. It made me momentarily indeed want him back.

But then I got to thinking about it. I realized that there are guys that I've dated (especially recently it seems) who I always think "I want him back" when I see them, or see something that reminds me of them, or think about them too much. And I know it's not actually them that I miss. It's not The Reason. It's not the Young Ex. It's not Juice. They are not who I miss. I miss having someone. I miss all the fun of being in a relationship. All the newness and butterflies. Having someone to go to sporting events or concerts or on vacations with. Someone to just lay around with on the weekend when you don't feel like going out. Someone who wants you as much as you want them.

So I think I'm finally past all the bs that came from the break-up with The Reason. The looking desperately for someone new just to prove I don't want him anymore. I actually don't want him anymore. I wish him well. But I'm ready for a new relationship. I'm not gonna go crazy if I don't find one. I'm not going to desperately seek one out. I'm just going to be open, really open, to the possibility of having one. So I suppose I should say, "Thank you, Facebook!" You made me open my eyes to the reality that I really am happy.

Resolutions, NYE, and Fever

Wow, it has been some time since I've managed to get on here and write. I apologize. You've probably all abandoned me, which I wouldn't blame you for. I haven't written a New Year's resolution post, which I fully intended to do (if only to make me more accountable). I haven't even told you about the night that was my NYE. I haven't blogged about the fever I've recently gotten, and I don't mean the sick-type of fever. So, without further ado, I will (try) and do a quick recap of all of these things.

1.) Resolutions: Okay so every year I make resolutions. I generally stick with them for a while and then get tired of them and/or forget and just quietly slip back into my normal life. I decided this year, I should be more specific about my resolutions, in an effort to focus more on the goals I want to obtain.

• Lose 30 pounds - each year I say I want to lose weight and be more healthy. But putting a number on it gives me goals to shoot for. I gained about 10 pounds at the end of last year, after my high school reunion. So I want to take that back off and then some. I've been keeping track of what I eat and working out at least some every day. And I'm down 3.6 pounds so far (although I'm pretty sure the baked potato with cheese and bacon I had for lunch today is not going to help that at all. I sometimes wish we didn't have drug reps bring us lunch, it's just too tempting! And I have NO willpower).
• Pay off 2 credit cards - I was pretty damaging to myself in college. Credit cards meant getting to do what I wanted whenever I wanted. I didn't worry about having to pay them off. I realize this is the worst thing I probably could have done because I am now attempting to get out of debt, which is tough! I have 7(!) credit cards. One is completely paid off and has been for about a year now (go me!) and four of them only had limits of around $1000, so it's the other two that are gonna be the biggest problem. I'm not at my limit on any of them or anything, but I definitely need to make paying off this debt a priority.
• Read 26 books - That's a book every two weeks. I read a lot anyway (every night before I go to bed) but this will get me keeping track of how much I really do read. No real reason for wanting to read more though. Just cuz.
• Take more pictures - Okay so this doesn't have a number or quantity to it, but in the past I haven't taken a lot of pictures. Really only on big events or vacations. I want to take more of just everyday and family events. I think after my grandpa died it really made it more apparent that you have to appreciate the times you have with the people you love. And capturing those times in pictures is a good way to keep their memory alive.

2.) NYE - Let's just say it was eventful. If you recall, S got engaged a month or so ago after only dating the guy for a month. Because it's her life, I won't give the details here, but she basically decided that she didn't want to be with him anymore and broke up with him (okay technically not until Jan.1, but as of NYE, he knew it was coming). So she, our friend J, and I went out to a bar (with S's high school ex, and to a bar where my young ex was working. oh yeah, and her ex and my young ex? They're brothers... that's a whole other fun story). Anywa, you may recall that J was dating someone and moved to a different state to be with him. Well she moved back on Thanksgiving after him treating her like shit for about 5 months. Since she was back I was making sure she was doing okay, trying to keep her busy and not think about her ex (who she still missed), and being a good friend. A while into the night, J is nowhere to be found, S is puking and her ex and I are trying to take care of her. J finds us and gets pissed at me, yelling at me telling me that I should be more concerned about her since she and her bf had been together for 9 months while S had only been with fiancee for 2 months. She said I clearly didn't care about how upset she was. When I tried pointing out that S was puking, she didn't want to hear it, she just pointed out that she hadn't heard from me the whole week of Christmas. I told her that I had been sick (which I had told her when I first got sick) and she flat out said she didn't believe me. I ended that friendship then and there. There's no point to be friends with someone who clearly doesn't value your friendship and feels that she should be the center of your universe.

3.) The Fever - I'm a girl who has always wanted babies. Whenever I see a baby, I think about how much I want one and can't wait to be a mom. Lately though? I have had baby fever to the max! I don't know why and don't worry I'm not planning on not taking my birth control anymore and just seeing what happens, but I'm getting that itch. I know it's hard work, but I just know how fulfilling it would be. But I tell you... it doesn't help that 7 people I know are pregnant right now! Three of my high school classmates, my hs bf's sister, and three cousins of mine... I swear if one more person I know gets pregnant I may flip out! :) I'm hoping the fever subsides soon.

Bottom line... I want to wish everyone a Happy new Year (granted a little late, but whatever!) and say that I honestly believe this year is going to be the greatest ever. I've had a very positive energy about me since Jan. 1 and think things can only get better. Cheers!

Apparently Flour Does Not Exist in My World

So I forgot the flour in ANOTHER recipe that I made on Saturday. Seriously?! What the eff is wrong with my cooking abilities lately? Now, granted this was in a casserole and the flour was just to thicken up the sauce. It tastes just as good without (well, maybe not seeing as though I've never made it before so I don't really know what it was supposed to taste like... but good nonetheless). Way better to forget the flour in a casserole than in cookies. I'm going to just go ahead and blame the economy again.

Other news and notes from the past week... how proud am I of Miami football? Okay, the Hurricanes didn't win their bowl game, but generally speaking I thought they looked A LOT better than Cal did. And with as many young players on the team, I'm already getting excited for next season. I think we may be on our way back. But the Dolphins?! Oh man, now that's something to get excited about (assuming you like the Dolphins). Going from 1-15 last year to making the playoffs and winning the division this year? Amazing turn around. I'm gonna be rooting for them all the way.

Christmas was good. I got some really nice things and loved spending time with my family... even if me and my younger brother did have a virus. He got it way worse than I. Stomach issues are just no fun, especially at the holidays. But all in all it was a good time. It always seems to go by too fast though.

And finally, what exactly defines a "fling"? I think I may be having one (no, not with a married man, which is what usually pops into my brain when I hear the term fling). Or maybe it's already been flung...?

Just some random tidbits for your Monday. My brain is still on vacation. Clearly.

Another Cooking Disaster

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted anything on here. I blame the economy.

Anyway, I thought I'd share with you another story from kitchen. Some of you may recall the disaster that was my Thanksgiving side dish and the meltdown that ensued. Luckily there was no meltdown, but it was somewhat of a disaster.

So, I was invited to a cookie exchange that took place yesterday. I decided to try a new recipe (found here) and wanted to make a batch ahead of time to make sure I liked it. So Thursday after work I set out to the store to get the ingredients I needed, which was a little hard to determine since I didn't really have a great concept of what I already had at home. This led me to buy things I didn't really need, but that's neither here nor there in this story. When I finally get around to making the cookies I discover that it's kinda hard to make an entire batch of cookies with just a handheld mixer (leading me to think that maybe I should have asked for a mixer for Christmas...).

While I'm making said cookies, I'm having an entire conversation with a certain somebody over text message. This "certain somebody" is also a story for another day... or maybe not at all. I'll decide later. This led me to maybe not be as focused on the cookies as I should have been. I get all done making them and think "Well there's no way this dough is going to form into balls... it's too runny." So I just plop some batter on the cookie sheet and shove it in the oven. While they're baking I call my mom to tell her about the runny batter. She asks if maybe I forgot something. I look at the recipe again and discover, oh yes I did. Flour is somewhat a major ingredient, not something that should be forgotten!

When all was said and done, the cookies did turn out to be absolutely delicious. I've heard nothing but rave reviews. Maybe I should just stay away from the kitchen for a while!

Random Thoughts

I haven't had much to write about lately it seems. I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I'm leaning towards bad. True, I mostly just end up writing about my crazy love life and the stupid boys I can't seem to get out of my head. Which means that I mostly write when I'm upset about something that's happened. So since I haven't blogged in a while, nothing upsetting has happened and no boys are being stupid (well, not proactively being stupid at least). But that also means that the past few days have been kinda boring. Since my Thanksgiving meltdown, I've just been very quietly going about my life. Day in and day out. Which is fine. But like I said, doesn't give me much to discuss. So, for you I now present random thoughts swirling through my head:

• It seems like every weekend is the same thing. I go out with friends to a bar, I meet a guy who seems interested, we exchange numbers, I don't go home with him, and then I never hear from him again. It doesn't really bug me that I don't hear from them, because clearly if they were worth anything I would. I just find it fascinating that so many men just want the one-night thing. I don't expect to find Mr. Right at a bar (although I know that happens on occasion), but they shouldn't expect that I'm gonna sleep with them right after meeting them.
• I can't figure out what I want for Christmas, let alone what to get anyone else! And I only have c ouple more weeks to do shopping, which normally would be plenty of time. But I normally at least have a couple good ideas. Or a day at work that I'm not too busy that I can take off to go to the mall and look around to gain inspiration. But the past few weeks I've been so busy at work that I don't have a day I can do that, and I'm not getting out of work most days until 7 so by that time I'm not in the mood to go shopping. Hopefully I'll come up with great ideas quickly, before time runs out.
• Sometimes I feel a little anti-social. Last night I got home from work, did the treadmill (for the second time yesterday), worked on a report for work, made and ate dinner, and then took my dog for a walk. While I was taking my dog for a walk, I got a call from a friend I haven't spoken to in months (on my cell, which I had forgotten at home). When I got the message, I thought, "I really want to talk to her, but I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now." So I didn't call her back. Does that make me a bad friend?
• I really hate driving in snow. With a passion. To the point that if it's snowing, even slightly, and I don't have to drive anywhere, I won't. Maybe that makes me a wimp.
• The holidays are usually my favorite time of the year. I just wish I had someone to share them with. To go look at Christmas lights with, decorate a tree with, sit by a fire and drink hot chocolate with. So I'm trying to embrace my singleness (I'm aware that's not a word) and do these things by myself. Decorate a tree? Check. Sit by a fire? Check. Drink hot chocolate? Check. Next up, Christmas lights.

That's all I got. With any luck some boy will do something stupid soon so I have a more interesting life and story to tell!

Brought to You by the Letter B

(Sidenote: does anyone have any advice to linking. I used to be able to link just fine, and now when I try to insert a link, it puts in the actual HTML language instead of linking. So for now, I'm just going to put in the website name instead of trying to link. Apparently this also happens when trying to bold words. Boo! And thanks in advance for anyone who knows how to help.)

Thanks goes out to rialeilani at & that's the way life goes (www.rialeilani.com) who has given me the letter B. Here are the rules:

If you leave a comment on this post, I will assign you a letter. You then write about 10 things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your post, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

1.) BRUNO - Bruno is my dog. He is so adorable sweet and makes me laugh all the time. He always kisses away my tears when I'm sad and is so, so excited to see me whenever I get home. I tell him every day that he's the only man I need in my life.

2.) BROTHERS - I have two wonderful brothers (whose names actually also both start with the letter B). We didn't always get along growing up, although I'd say we probably had a better than average sibling relationship even then, but now I'd consider them both among my best friends. I see my older brother almost every weekend, when we get together to go out or watch football. My younger brother lives in NYC, so it's not as easy to see him often, but when we do we have so much fun. He's always been one who I can talk to about anything and the same goes for him.

3.) BOOKS and BLOGS - I'm combining these two, since I came up with so many B things I love and they are somewhat similar. I like to read a lot. I've read every night before I go to bed probably since I began reading at the age of 4. It helps me relax and get lost in another world when mine isn't working out the way I want it to. So I would absolutely be lost without my books. Now blogs serve a similar purpose. I enjoy reading about other people's lives in their own words. They help me realize that I'm not the only one out there who feels the way I do sometimes.

4.) BOYS - I mean, seriously?! If you read my blog on a regular basis you know I'm always talking about one boy or another. Could I leave them off my list of B things? I think not! The sweet things they do (at times!). They way they smell. They way the compete over everything with one another. And the way they treat a woman they are truly in love with.

5.) BOOZE - For when the boys drive me crazy! Ha ha. No, I'm not an alcoholic, but there's something about the way a nice cold beer tastes while watching football. Or having a glass of good wine after a long day at work. Or going out with your girlfriends for margaritas. It's not something I need, but something I definitely enjoy.

6.) BED - I sometimes think I'm infatuated with my bed. It is seriously the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in. Nice and soft, with usually good sheets and a nice warm blanket. It makes it seriously difficult to get up in the morning, even when I'm fully awake and ready to go. It's a good thing I don't have a television in my bedroom or I might live in my bed during the weekends.

7.) BEACHES - Not the movie, although I like that too. It's no wonder I ended up going to school in Miami. Shockingly though, I didn't spend as much time on the beach as I would have liked during my time there. But I've always loved the beach. Growing up, my family always went to Ft. Myers Beach twice a year. There's nothing better than lying in the sun, with the waves crashing in the background.

8.) BUBBLE BATHS - One of my favorite things growing up was taking a bubble bath in the jacuzzi-type tub at my parent's house. I would turn up the radio and just let the warm water melt all my cares away. My current bathtub isn't as conducive to a relaxing bath... given how short I am and the way the tub is shaped, I have to sit straight up or lay with my head at an awkward angle. So I don't take as many baths as I would like to nowadays. I'm trying to save money to remodel my bathroom and get a jacuzzi-type tub there so I can go back to my glory days of long relaxing baths.

9.) BONO - Okay, so my favorite band of all time is U2 (dancing with a crush at my brother's wedding to "With or Without You" still remains one of my favorite memories). And I find Bono to be incredibly sexy. He's inteliigent, a humanitarian, and a rock star. Who could ask for more?!

10.) BLISS - Actual, true, 100% bliss. Happiness seems so fleeting sometimes that moments when you feel completely at peace with everything going on in your life is so wonderful. When everything is going right and you don't seem to have a care in the world. This is bliss to me and fits perfectly in with my favorite B items.