Another weekend

Another weekend has come and gone, leaving me with more confusion regarding M. I will start off by saying that I probably shouldn't have even been out this past Saturday. Last Tuesday I started getting sick. Wednesday I felt worse and by Thursday I had a temperature of 103 and a positive flu test. I stayed home from work Thursday and Friday, wallowing in my misery. Saturday I was feeling better, but really knew I should probably have stayed in and rested up. Unfortunately, Saturday was also my friend J's birthday... and I am not one to miss out on celebrating a friend's bday. So I loaded myself up with motrin and sudafed and headed out, thinking (wrongly) that I would only have one shot and I'd come home early. Three or four shots later, as the bars are closing, I'm being dragged off to have food with J and the gang, meaning I don't get home until about 4:30. Amazingly, I didn't feel any worse yesterday after the drunken night.

So we start off at a different bar, but still one we go to often. M walks in with some of his friends later when I'm getting ready to have the first of the aforementioned shots. He does the head nod greeting to me across the bar. After the shot, I go over (cuz I am not going to have a repeat of the weekend before) and give him a hug and chitchat with him for a few minutes as he's playing pool. I leave him wanting more (at least in my mind) by cutting the convo a little short and say I'm going back to the other side to hang out with my friends. He says okay and that he'd probably be over there in a bit. He never really does end up over on the other side of the bar, but that's okay. We at least acknowledge each other whenever we walk past one another or when we make eye contact. Later on in the night, he comes over to me and says that they're all going to the other bar that we usually go to, and asks if we're gonna come. I say that we are getting our tabs then and then we'll be on our way.

We get to the other bar and he's of course in the middle of all the action, dancing with some of his girl friends (he has a lot of those). I don't worry about these girls because I think they all have boyfriends, and I've known about them for a while anyway, so whatever. But it makes it awkward when I don't really know them, and M is with them, for me to go over to M and start dancing with him. So we kinda don't say much to each other at this point. Okay, the bar is getting ready to close and M is leaving. He tells me before he leaves where they're all going, so of course J and I go there after we pay the tab. There's about 12 of us at this place, with tables shoved together to make one big table to sit at. M is on the other side of the table and, according to J (who is drunk by this point, so who knows if she was right), he keeps looking over at me. Well at the end of the night, when we're waiting for our checks, I get up to go to the bathroom and I see M look over at me, and I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he watches me walk across the restaurant. Finally, I look over at him, make eye contact, and wink at him. He smiles and winks back. But other than that... nothing. So we pay and get ready to leave and I go say goodbye to him and he says he'll talk to me soon and gives me a hug.

It's just confusing. Does he like me or not? At this point I almost don't care one way or the other, I'd just like to know. Obviously I'd rather him like me, but if he doesn't, that's cool, I just want to know instead of feeling like there's mixed messages. And maybe there really isn't mixed messages. Maybe I'm reading too much into the "friendly" things he does and he really does only like me as a friend. Although J told me earlier that night that B had told her that M never takes girls home, so he must really like me since he took me home that night. Okay, if that's the case then what happened? Cuz he's not acting interested anymore since then. Maybe I just create drama to try and make my life seem more interesting than it really is.

Smitten

Well here I am with updates. Turns out, this last guy who I had developed what I thought was a harmless crush on... well apparently I'm "smitten" with him. Who knew?! I'll tell you who knew... apparently all my friends. I discovered this after last Saturday. we hadn't seen each other since we slept together, and like I said in my last post, I had texted him once during the week and never heard from him. Well the bar was unusually pack when we got there Saturday night, and my friend and I were quite anxious about seeing the boys (her story is probably more complicated than my own, and I think I will blog about it sometime cuz I need some help in trying to deal with it... confusing, no?). So we get there, I make eye contact with my guy, but he was all the way through the crowd near the pool tables at the back of the bar. So we decide to go to the bar first to get drinks. We get there, wait a ridiculous 15 minutes or so before actually getting served, and in the meantime convince a couple guys to give up their seats for us. Well once we had seats at the bars, we didn't want to move, so we waited there figuring the guys would come talk to us.

(I think I will start inserting initials for the people in this story from now on to make it a little less confusing. No garauntee that's going to work though, especially since many people have names that start witht he same letter, so I'm going to make up some of these initials and hope I keep them straight for the entire length of the post).

Okay so me and my friend J are sitting there at the bar. M (the guy I was crushing on) goes to the other side of the bar and gets drinks. Next thing we know, M and B (the guy my friend J likes) and all their friends are a couple feet behind us, watching the UFC fights on the big screen. We were also coincidentally watching these same fights because... well mostly cuz that's what was on, but also because the guys who gave up their seats at the bar told us they would buy us shots if the guys we picked to win the fights actually won. Free shots, always a plus. Anyway, M's brother D was actually the first of the group to come say hello to us. Moments later, M was buying more drinks at the bar and made eye contact with me. He smiled and waved. I smiled and waved. We each went back to our business. At some point, he does come over and say hi to me and J and so does B. Basically though, M was acted more distant than he had been the past couple weeks, which was weird. And so I proceeded to get wasted.

I don't like to be ignored, especially by a guy I have a crush on who I slept with the last time I saw him. And yeah he wasn't really ignoring me, but he wasn't being himself with me either. Now maybe he was upset that I didn't say hi to him right away when I got there since he saw me come in. Maybe he didn't like seeing other guys paying attention to me and buying me drinks (I learned later that he is definitely the jealous type and has trust issues). Maybe he was just wasted as hell also. But whatever the reason, I don't like being ignored. Which to me apparently means I need to do multiple jagerbombs (I don't even know how many, I lost count) along with several beers, and at least 2 other different types of shots. Being this wasted and being ignored meant that I thought it was a good idea to not only drive to the place we were all going for food, but also to have M's brother D ride with me (his idea, btw) and make out with him. Maybe it's just something about that family?

Regardless, I'm not concerned that M is going to find out about this because they are not the type of family who talks to each other about their sex lives (thankfully) and because D is currently trying to work things out with his ex-wife. So he's not gonna be broadcasting that he made out with me. It was not a smart move, but this is what multiple jagerbombs do to my judgement.

Anyway, fast-forward to my drive home, where I was so upset about M that I called my ex-boyfriend in Miami, G, and cried to him for an hour. I was still upset the next day, so I talked to J about it, stating that I must like M more than I realized since I was so sad about him ignoring me. This is when she told me "Yeah you're completely smitten with him. I've known that for a couple weeks. I just thought you knew." Nope. I had no idea. If I thought I actually liked him I don't think I would have slept with him when I did. Later on, when I'm relaying this story (and the story of the night's events) to my friend S, she also said that she knew I liked M. Isn't it a friend's job to tell me that I actually like a guy?! I was totally blindsided by this information. And now I'm more stressed about it.

Well I wrote M an email the following day, lighthearted and breezy, saying that the night before had been crazy (especially for him since he was so drunk that he almost got kicked out of the bar and actually did get kicked out of 3 food places) and if he still wanted to see a movie soemtime I was up for it, and otherwise it was J's bday next weekend, so hopefully they'd come out in celebration. Never got a response from that. Then last night, my friend S and I go out to a bar for country night (the same place I met the young ex, T, in October and coincidentally the place I met M back in November). Well M was there again. I got a drink and immediately headed over to say hi to him, just in case that's why he was ignoring me on Saturday. He acts friendly, but doesn't really talk too much to me. S and I wander off for a while. Later on, M runs into us, throws his arm around my shoulder, I put mine around his waist, and we stand there talking a couple minutes. He then says he has to make a couple calls and then he's coming back with shots for us, which he does. So then we hang out with him and his friend C for a while at the bar but I'm kinda all over the place, not wanting to seem too into him since he doesn't seem too into me. Anyway, long story short, I go off dancing with this girl N, who I know from the bar, for a few minutes only to have S tell me that M and C left. Well great. At least I've seen him so Saturday at the bar for J's bday shouldn't be awkward.

Also, somewhat good news, maybe... this other guy at the bar last night, P, was all about me. He kept making eye contact with me, touching my back when he walked by. I mean to the point where my friend S even asked if I knew him. So after M left, I started talking to P and we exchanged numbers. He says he's going to call me on Thursday. He actually did call me after we left the bar to see if I wanted to continue drinking with him and his friend, but I declined. After all I did have to work today. So we'll see if he actually calls on Thursday.