Smitten

Well here I am with updates. Turns out, this last guy who I had developed what I thought was a harmless crush on... well apparently I'm "smitten" with him. Who knew?! I'll tell you who knew... apparently all my friends. I discovered this after last Saturday. we hadn't seen each other since we slept together, and like I said in my last post, I had texted him once during the week and never heard from him. Well the bar was unusually pack when we got there Saturday night, and my friend and I were quite anxious about seeing the boys (her story is probably more complicated than my own, and I think I will blog about it sometime cuz I need some help in trying to deal with it... confusing, no?). So we get there, I make eye contact with my guy, but he was all the way through the crowd near the pool tables at the back of the bar. So we decide to go to the bar first to get drinks. We get there, wait a ridiculous 15 minutes or so before actually getting served, and in the meantime convince a couple guys to give up their seats for us. Well once we had seats at the bars, we didn't want to move, so we waited there figuring the guys would come talk to us.

(I think I will start inserting initials for the people in this story from now on to make it a little less confusing. No garauntee that's going to work though, especially since many people have names that start witht he same letter, so I'm going to make up some of these initials and hope I keep them straight for the entire length of the post).

Okay so me and my friend J are sitting there at the bar. M (the guy I was crushing on) goes to the other side of the bar and gets drinks. Next thing we know, M and B (the guy my friend J likes) and all their friends are a couple feet behind us, watching the UFC fights on the big screen. We were also coincidentally watching these same fights because... well mostly cuz that's what was on, but also because the guys who gave up their seats at the bar told us they would buy us shots if the guys we picked to win the fights actually won. Free shots, always a plus. Anyway, M's brother D was actually the first of the group to come say hello to us. Moments later, M was buying more drinks at the bar and made eye contact with me. He smiled and waved. I smiled and waved. We each went back to our business. At some point, he does come over and say hi to me and J and so does B. Basically though, M was acted more distant than he had been the past couple weeks, which was weird. And so I proceeded to get wasted.

I don't like to be ignored, especially by a guy I have a crush on who I slept with the last time I saw him. And yeah he wasn't really ignoring me, but he wasn't being himself with me either. Now maybe he was upset that I didn't say hi to him right away when I got there since he saw me come in. Maybe he didn't like seeing other guys paying attention to me and buying me drinks (I learned later that he is definitely the jealous type and has trust issues). Maybe he was just wasted as hell also. But whatever the reason, I don't like being ignored. Which to me apparently means I need to do multiple jagerbombs (I don't even know how many, I lost count) along with several beers, and at least 2 other different types of shots. Being this wasted and being ignored meant that I thought it was a good idea to not only drive to the place we were all going for food, but also to have M's brother D ride with me (his idea, btw) and make out with him. Maybe it's just something about that family?

Regardless, I'm not concerned that M is going to find out about this because they are not the type of family who talks to each other about their sex lives (thankfully) and because D is currently trying to work things out with his ex-wife. So he's not gonna be broadcasting that he made out with me. It was not a smart move, but this is what multiple jagerbombs do to my judgement.

Anyway, fast-forward to my drive home, where I was so upset about M that I called my ex-boyfriend in Miami, G, and cried to him for an hour. I was still upset the next day, so I talked to J about it, stating that I must like M more than I realized since I was so sad about him ignoring me. This is when she told me "Yeah you're completely smitten with him. I've known that for a couple weeks. I just thought you knew." Nope. I had no idea. If I thought I actually liked him I don't think I would have slept with him when I did. Later on, when I'm relaying this story (and the story of the night's events) to my friend S, she also said that she knew I liked M. Isn't it a friend's job to tell me that I actually like a guy?! I was totally blindsided by this information. And now I'm more stressed about it.

Well I wrote M an email the following day, lighthearted and breezy, saying that the night before had been crazy (especially for him since he was so drunk that he almost got kicked out of the bar and actually did get kicked out of 3 food places) and if he still wanted to see a movie soemtime I was up for it, and otherwise it was J's bday next weekend, so hopefully they'd come out in celebration. Never got a response from that. Then last night, my friend S and I go out to a bar for country night (the same place I met the young ex, T, in October and coincidentally the place I met M back in November). Well M was there again. I got a drink and immediately headed over to say hi to him, just in case that's why he was ignoring me on Saturday. He acts friendly, but doesn't really talk too much to me. S and I wander off for a while. Later on, M runs into us, throws his arm around my shoulder, I put mine around his waist, and we stand there talking a couple minutes. He then says he has to make a couple calls and then he's coming back with shots for us, which he does. So then we hang out with him and his friend C for a while at the bar but I'm kinda all over the place, not wanting to seem too into him since he doesn't seem too into me. Anyway, long story short, I go off dancing with this girl N, who I know from the bar, for a few minutes only to have S tell me that M and C left. Well great. At least I've seen him so Saturday at the bar for J's bday shouldn't be awkward.

Also, somewhat good news, maybe... this other guy at the bar last night, P, was all about me. He kept making eye contact with me, touching my back when he walked by. I mean to the point where my friend S even asked if I knew him. So after M left, I started talking to P and we exchanged numbers. He says he's going to call me on Thursday. He actually did call me after we left the bar to see if I wanted to continue drinking with him and his friend, but I declined. After all I did have to work today. So we'll see if he actually calls on Thursday.