Is anyone still out there?

Wow... I thought going more than a week was bad as far as between posts. And yet, here I am, over a full month since the last time I blogged. I apologize to anyone who may still be out there checking in on my life.

Part of it is that I have been a little more busy at work, thankfully! When I started blogging, I was lucky to have 2 patients a week. Now I'm usually right around 8 patients for the week, which is great news. It means that I have more to do and don't feel as out-of-my-mind-crazy bored. Unfortunately, it has also meant less time to blog. I know, I know. I shouldn't be blogging at work anyway, and should do it on my own time, but I like to do other things in my spare time also, so it's created a lack of posts.

I feel like a lot has gone on in my life since I last posted also. The big news, I have a new man in my life. Here's the problem: his actions have made me a little crazy lately, which I don't like. Let me fill you in on all the details. So I met him through my friend at work, who used to be engaged to his brother (like 5 years ago). From the first night, we were making out like teenagers (awesome!) and he pretty much was calling and texting me all the time and he wanted to hang out a lot. Now, just two days after I met him, I went to Miami for the weekend (which I'll get to either in a bit or on my next post) and I couldn't stop thinking about him while I was gone. Once I got back, we were spending like everyday together and having a blast, but I was a little wary of starting a real relationship with him cuz of my broken heart from the ex (who I'm still not 100% over), and I told him that. But he kept persuing and being so sweet and fun, that a week later when he asked me to be his girl, I told him we'd give it a try. After that, he's changed a bit. He left a party I was having super early, although granted he did have to work the next day, and got pissed that I was upset that he left so early. Since then, things have been a little strained. Sure, we've still talked everyday, and hung out a couple times, and he talks and acts like everything is fine between us, but I can't help but compare how he's acting now to how he was acting before we officially got together.

This is what's driving me crazy. I tend to overanalyze everything anyway, and now I'm paranoid that things have changed and he doesn't want to be with me anymore, even though I don't really have any proof to that. But like today, I found out my friend at work has whooping cough, so I called my guy to tell him and he didn't answer his phone, which is no big deal since I assumed he was at work. So I left him a message telling him we needed to talk about her sickness to make sure he didn't get it also. Well I don't hear back from him, and then hear from my friend later that she called him and talked to him and told him all about it. So immediately my mind thinks "Well if he wasn't at work, why didn't he answer when I called, but answered when she did? And when he got my message why didn't he call back?" Again, not really a big deal, but like I said, I've turned slightly crazy! Plus you put that together with the fact that he and his friends went out last night for a "boys night", because according to my man, they all "had things they needed to talk about." Which also of course makes me think "Is it about me? Is he trying to figure out if he still wants to be with me?" I know, paranoid! And also, he told me he'd call me when he got done with them, and he never did.

This is what I need to focus on: 1.) he has told me everything is fine between us. 2.) he's acted like we're fine still when we've seen each other. 3.) the frequency that he calls me/texts me/sees me now is normal for a new relationship, before it may have been a bit of overkill. 4.) he has been busy and stressed out at work lately, and tired from working so much.

I guess what i find annoying is that when he was persuing me, I was hesitant about getting involved because I didn't want to get emotionally attached for it to not work out. Now I am a little attached (not so much that I wouldn't be able to get over it if it did end, but enough so that I don't want it to end already) and he's acting differently. I'm trying to just let it go and assume everything is fine unless I hear otherwise from him. I think this weekend will be pretty telling. The weekends since we've known each other so far have gone like this: 1st - I was in Miami, 2nd - we hung out until all hours Friday and Saturday, and got together Sunday also, 3rd - he had to work both Saturday and Sunday, so I only saw him for a little bit Friday and then we went to a movie Sunday. He doesn't have to work this weekend, so I'm expecting to see him more again if things are still good with us. If not, maybe I'll just call him out on it and see what he says. I'd rather know earlier than later what's going through his mind. I will say that part of me doesn't want it to end just because it has provided such a nice distraction from thinking about the ex and his new gf. I don't know if I could see myself marrying him, but I kinda did want it to last longer as a rebound relationship to help me get over the hump. I guess we'll see how things go... I know I'm acting all crazy, so any words of wisdom or encouragement would be great.

Okay, all other news will have to wait for another post. It's good to be back!