Missing in action

I haven't written for quite a while. I know you've probably all thought I'm missing in action, but I'm still here. Just don't have that much going on in my life I guess. Of course I say that now and as I'm writing this, I'll probably come up with lots to talk about and will tend to ramble on a bit. So first I'll start with some quick updates:

First, I realized that after I wrote about the bikini bootcamp I was partaking in, I barely said anything about it. It was a couple weeks of torture. I found myself working out all the time, barely having anytime to relax in the evenings, and trying hard to stay strict to my diet plan. I did pretty well, losing about 4 or so pounds in the process. Here is where the problem comes in though. Since I was so good, and basically thought of it as a 2-week plan, as soon as those two weeks were up (actually a couple days early) I fell off the wagon. And hard. It was like I couldn't stop eating and everything I ate was bad for me, because I had been so strict with myself for those weeks. So last week, my first official week off, was basically a mess. I think I walked twice and did no other exercise and pretty much ate whatever I wanted. This week I'm trying harder, but who knows how well I'll do. My work schedule has changed, so I now have time to get up before I go to work (without having to get up before the sun rises) and work out. So far this week I've walked twice, and plan on walking tomorrow and Thursday as well. I'm also trying to eat better this week, but I forgot my lunch at home yesterday and therefore had to eat what the drug rep brought to the office, which wasn't bad but probably not as healthy as my salad and banana would have been.

Update 2. So if you remember, a couple weeks ago my friend at work told me she had "the perfect guy" for me. Friends with her ex, air force guy, funny, etc. Well I finally met him this past weekend, and my first thoughts were "really? him?" Now of course I didn't say this, but thats what I was thinking. You know how when you meet someone there's that initial moment where you base everything on looks? He just wasn't what I wanted looks-wise. And I hate saying this because it sounds so shallow, and I'm not generally the type of girl who cares that much about looks. But when you can't see yourself ever having a physical relationship with the guy, it's just not bound to work. but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and hung out with him, and he really is funny and nice so I gave him my number, thinking "okay, one date wouldn't hurt. maybe the attraction will grow." I doubt it though. I mean, beyond his looks (and I admit he's not ugly by any menas, just kinda goofy looking), he hangs out places I wouldn't normally hang out, he dresses young (t-shirts and baggy jean shorts), and he doesn't even have his own place, he lives with my friend's ex, along with the friend's ex's dad and brother. it's like a bachelor pad. Plus, my friend's ex treats her like shit. Calls her names, gets pissed at her so easily, and the other day took it to a physical level, which I AM NOT okay with. If I started dating this guy, I'm sure I'd be forced to hang out with my friend's ex at times, which I wouldn't want to do. When I think about the fact that I'm not into him cuz of his looks and those other things though, I start to question if I'm just making excuses because I'm too afraid that I'll get hurt again. Cuz I don't want to be alone forever and if I keep not giving guys a chance because of those things then that might be where I end up. Of course the other part of me thinks that if I was at least physically attracted to him, I wouldn't be thinking about getting hurt. If he was good-looking, I'd probably be ready to date again.

Finally, update on knowing the ex has a new girlfriend. It still sucks. And I'll admit that I don't think I'm going about it the right way, but it's working for me so far. Basically, I try to avoid thinking about him at all costs. I just go about my day as if everything is fine and think about other things and focus on that stuff. But the problem with that is that when I am hit with thoughts of him, it's harder to deal with. For instance, I was reading the other night and the two characters of the book were going to Playa del Carmen for a wedding and staying at an all-inclusive hotel. I did this exact thing with the ex last November. So reading it of course brought back memories of our trip together and I ended up crying myself to sleep. Fun times. The other way I try to deal with it is by having fantasies of marrying Josh Beckett, a pitcher for the Boston Red Sox. This is a lot more fun way to deal with it, although not likely to happen. I know it just takes time. I just wish I could fast-forward to a time when it was all better.

Okay I'm out. I'll try to post again sooner than two weeks next time!