Trying to deal

First things first, I'm still doing the bootcamp and thrilled to be almost done with it. I'm just tired of all the working out and eating well. Feeling like I can't even have a piece of chocolate in the middle of the day. And I might cheat a little today, cuz my lunch just isn't all that appetizing to me and someone is supposed to bringing lunch into work today. I'm going to wait and see what they bring and then decide what I'm actually going to eat. But it has done pretty well for me... I'm down a total of 3.6 pounds since starting the program. I do plan on keeping some of the aspects after I'm officially done with the 2 weeks. I want to still walk, do circuit training, and do core strengthening, just not all of it every day. And I think I can keep eating pretty well, although I'll probably go back to taking it easier on the healthy eating over the weekend.

The bigger news of the week: my ex, the one who's main reason for breaking up with me and the one who a month ago in our last email exchange said he loved me and missed me but we should just consider oursleves single for a while and take things a day at a time? He's already got a new girlfriend. I happened to look at his myspace profile the other day, and he had changed his status back from single to in a relationship, he's moved me from top on his friends lis to #5 with this new girl top, and he has a picture of the two of them describing her as a "hottie."

It's like a slap in the face. (And now after typing that, all I can think of is that Alanis Morrisette song "You Oughta Know"). Seriously, did our relationship mean nothing to him? When we were together, he would discuss our future and indicate that we'd get married and have kids. Not just once, but on several occasions. How can he break up with me, claiming to want to be single, and then within a couple of months have a new girlfriend? I mean, technically we broke up in March, true. But at that time, we didn't talk for 2 weeks and didn't see each other for 3 weeks, and then we were right back to going out on the weekends, seeing each other through the week, etc. So I don't really consider us broken up until the middle of June. And yet, here he is, in a new relationship already. And I would bet money that he was already seeing this new girl when he sent me that last email.

I'm trying to deal with all the emotions I'm having about it. I'm really trying to make peace with the situation. After all, this knowledge really doesn't alter my life at all. The only thing that changes is now knowing that any fantasy I had of us running into each other and him wanting to get back together is over. But my feelings for him haven't changed. My day to day life hasn't changed. It was hard not talking to him before I knew this information, and it will continue to be hard not having him in my life. But then I'll be going about my day and something will make me think of him and I'll either have flashes of anger and hatred for him, or feelings of sadness. Maybe I'm trying too hard to force myself to be okay with it when I'm not really. But how are you supposed to deal when the man you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with replaces you so easily?