... I don't know how DeAnna from ABC's The Bachellorette does it. She is apparently good at dating. I am not. (I know I've said this before, but bear with me.)
I went out with my friend J last night. She just broke up with her boyfriend and I'm trying desperately to distract her so she isn't tempted to give him another chance. (Sidenote: I'm all for giving someone second chances, or more sometimes, but not when they don't deserve it. This guy does not deserve it. He yells at her all the time, tells her he hates her dog, that he never wants to have kids with her, that she just brings him down... she is a wonderful person and does not need to deal with this jerk-off). In any case, Bass was supposed to come out with us and bring a friend of his. Well he decided last minute he didn't want to come out cuz he was tired. Fine. Whatever. J and I still go out, and we go to the bar that Bass and San Francisco frequent.
I NEED TO STOP GOING TO THIS BAR!
(Reasons for the above statement will become painfully clear momentarily).
So there J and I are, drinking some drinks, doing our thing, discussing reasons why the ex is a jerk. About 12:30, San Francisco comes in. I didn't know he'd be there, nor was I necessarily looking for him to be there, but there he was. He makes his rounds, saying hi to everyone he knows, and then comes and sits down with me and J. Once he sat down with us, next thing we know, we've got about 5 other guys hanging out with us too. Anyway, long story short, we all have a good time, drinking and whatnot. There's this guy there, Hockey Boy, who's cute and kinda flirty with me, but San Francisco is pretty much all about me so Hockey Boy doesn't flirt too much. We all leave the bar, San Francisco asks me if I'm coming over to his place, and I'm not sure what to do, so I say maybe and we leave it at that. Everyone pretty much takes off except for Hockey Boy and J. J and I spend some time discussing whether I should go to San Francisco's place and she thinks I should, and then she leaves, leaving me and Hockey Boy. He and I talk a little bit, he invites me to go to this other bar for one more drink, which didn't end up happening and so we're saying goodbye, he gives me a hug, and the next thing I know, we're making out. Now do you understand why I need to stop going to this bar? I just keep ending up with new guys who all know each other. And that? Extremely stressful for a girl who sucks at dating.
Back to San Francisco... I do end up going to his place. (Yes, after having already made out with Hockey Boy... don't judge!). He and I are kinda making out a bit and the whole time I'm feeling guilty about Bass. I'm thinking about how Bass probably wouldn't be too thrilled to know I was doing this, and likewise I wouldn't really want him making out with an acquaintance of mine. Plus I have more already invested in time with Bass, so I don't want to just throw that away. Especially since San Francisco has had plenty of opportunities to hang out with me since the last time we hung out and he hasn't. It felt more like it was a convenience thing and he was just doing it for the hook-up as opposed to actually liking me and wanting to date me. I basically stopped it before things went too far (a little boob action is all) because I felt so guilty about it. And he knew. He asked me if it was cuz of Bass.
I'm kinda thinking I need to just take a break from these guys for a while. Step back, relax, take a few deep breaths. Ultimately I want a guy who wants to commit to me. I know it sounds whiny, but I want a boyfriend. I don't like doing this dating thing. I like the relationship thing way better. So maybe a break is in order to reassess the situation...
Except Hockey Boy wants me to go to the bar Friday night... maybe I'll take a break after Friday... :)
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