I debating about writing about this cuz I don't want to sound crazy, but I figured what the hell. I probably already sound cray to most anyone who reads this anyway.
So, I had a moment last night. It really felt like my heart hurt so badly. The sorrow kinda hurt, not the actual pain hurt. Nothing in particular happened. I think lately I've been feeling a little more lonely and it got the best of me for some reason. Or maybe I'm just bored. Sometimes I think bored and lonely can go hand in hand. I mean, when I'm doing something by myself at home and enjoying it, then I don't care if I'm alone. But when I'm not really doing anything and alone, then I think too much. And my thoughts get the best of me.
Don't get me wrong. I love living alone. I enjoy not having to answer to anyone. Not having to clean up after myself right away. Not having to sacrifice what I want to watch on TV. But sometimes its nice to have someone else there. I can literally go for more than a day (on the weekends) without talking to anyone. Most evenings that I'm home, I don't talk to anyone. Don't get me wrong, I have friends. I do things. But lately the nights I'm not doing anything, the loneliness is palpable.
I'm trying to come up with things to do. Ways to keep myself busy. I figure if I can fix the boredom, then maybe the loneliness will follow suit.
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3 comments:
Boredom and loneliness go hand in hand for me! I had been doing great lately but then I went on vacation, was a bit bored and become super lonely. I try to keep myself busy as possible so I don't have too much time to think! Trust me, you are not alone!
ummm...i do this ALL THE TIME. don't give me time to think...or else i will really dig myself in a emotional hole.
I've come across this quite a bit since I travel extensively for my job. Living in a hotel four nights at a time makes things interesting. I spend 5 days a week speaking to people and conversing in limited small talk with no substance at all. Then I go back to my hotel and spend the rest of the night in silence. Not saying that I don't have people I can confide in or anything. I've been out of a long long long term relationship for 2 years and things are considerably different on the singles side when you're a twentysomething after college.
Thanks for the chance to ramble, I've enjoyed reading your blog.
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