Sigh...

I'm in a dating funk. This post will probably not be too clear and/or be extremely rambling because I have a lot of thoughts about this right now that don't want to come out clearly. They all make perfect sense in my head though, so this is an attempt to try and let you into my head.

(Wow, that is a scary thought.)

I'm tired of dating. (How many times have I said that?) I'm also bad at it. (Again, how many times have I said that?) I feel like I've done a really good job getting out there and trying though. I've done the online thing, met friends of friends, met guys at bars, and gotten involved in the community (joined a young professionals group, playing on a softball team, took golf lessons, and volunteered at a local festival this past weekend). And yet, nothing. NOTHING!

Okay... maybe not nothing. There has been Bass, San Francisco, and Boston (I know he was only briefly mentioned, but he and I have hung out a couple times since then). But still, nothing long-term and lasting. And I just feel like I've done everything I can think of, and if none of that is working, then maybe I really am destined to be single forever.

Part of me wants to just stop trying. I mean, there is the school of thought that says "It'll happen when you stop looking." Problem being that I've always been a hopeless romantic, which means I like to side with the school of thought that says "You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince." I think that's why I've held on so long... I don't want to give up because what if I miss out on someone because I've stopped looking. I'm torn. I just feel like I'm tired of playing the dating games. I'm tired of waiting around for a guy to call when he says he will. I'm tired of wondering if each guy I meet might be the right one for me. I'm tired of not having someone.

I want someone to appreciate all I have to offer. I want someone who wants to spend time with me. I want to find the one who just fits. I want someone to celebrate holidays with. I don't want to be alone anymore.

Some days are harder than others. Maybe I've just had more of those harder days lately. Maybe I'm just lonely.

I don't know which way to turn. It's not that I'm not happy. I generally am. I have great friends and family. I appreciate everything I have. I just feel like there's a part of me missing. There's a hole inside me. And I don't know how to fix it.