It's Been A While...

After typing the title of the upcoming post, all I can think about is that Staind song with the same title... and that song for some reason makes me think about this guy I dated in Miami in 2002. And that? Kinda makes me wanna vomit. We didn't have the healthiest of relationships and I don't like going back there in my mind. But seriously, none of this has anything to do with the rest of the post, so I think I'll just get on with it...

This month has been slightly busier at work, which is why it's been a while since I've posted anything, seeing as how I normally post at work, when I should be working. Whatever. So I've been busier, which is why I haven't written, but I'm going to get back into it.

I think things have also been going well the past couple weeks, so I haven't had as much to complain/whine/stress about, which is what usually prompts me to write in the first place. The guy I've been talking to, we'll call him Bass from now on for reasons that I choose not to share at this point, is still around. We've been talking (I think that would be the right term in the dating dictionary, although I've never been real good at that lingo) for about 3 and a half weeks, been out four times, would have been out a fifth time already if I had actually gotten his text Saturday, and have plans to get together sometime this week. There's been lots of making out, but no sex, which is good. Well, good in the "if I want to see where this is going, we should wait before having sex" sense. Not so much in the "I'm really horny and would like to get some" kinda way.

The thing about Bass is that he's very casual in this whole talking to one another thing, and it's not what I'm used to. We don't really make plans to hang out or get together too far in advance, if at all. Which is fine, I guess. But it does make it a little difficult to figure out what he's thinking. And if one more person says "Maybe that's just the way he is..." I think I may scream. I understand that this may be how he is, but it doesn't make it easier to figure out. Now don't get me wrong, I like him. And I'm really not freaking out about it. I think he likes me too. I guess I wouldn't mind seeing him a little more often than once a week, but for now, things are good with him. My friends desperately want to meet him, but I'm not sure he's ready for that. I never know what guys think about that. I mean, in my mind, just because I invite you to do something where you'd meet my friends doesn't mean I think you're my boyfriend or anything. Usually it just means that I'm doing something with my friends that I think you'd like too. Bottom line: Things with Bass are good, I'm cautiously optimistic (cuz it seems like when I think things are okay, that's when they go to shit), and I'm not freaking out about it.

It did get me thinking the other night though. I still honestly can't imagine calling a man other than my ex (the one who broke my heart and is the reason for the whole start of the blog, in fact I think I'll call him The Reason from now on, just to keep things clear) my boyfriend. It's weird cuz I had that brief fling with the young ex, but it was so short-lived that I don't really necessarily consider him an ex. I was absolutely in love with The Reason and was confident I'd be with him forever. I realize now that's not the case. He's happily moved on. I've moved on, albeit with some pushing and shoving, but moved on all the same. And I really don't want to be with him anymore. But I can't imagine my life with someone else either. When I picture my future now, I almost can't picture ever being with anyone. I can't picture my life where I come home to someone every night. Where I have to clean and cook more often. Where finding "me time" is difficult cuz someone else is always there.

I've always pictured myself having a very normal relationship, almost from like the 50's or so. I'd get home from work first, straighten up a bit and start cooking dinner. My husband would come home a little later to a house that smelled delicious and we'd have a nice dinner. Afterwards, I'd clean up and do some fun "me time" stuff while he did who knows what in his office. Then we'd spend the evening together doing whatever we wanted. Maybe this sounds old-fashioned or unrealistic, but it's what I always pictured. Now? Not so much. I guess more than anything I just can't picture what my future will look like. Maybe it's just cuz I don't have someone currently in my life that I want all that with (after all, Bass and I have only been talking for less than a month). I'm still hopeful, but The Reason really did a number on me I guess.

This post? It just proves that I should have something particular in mind when I set out writing. Otherwise it has no definite beginning, middle, or end and just tends to ramble on and on and on... My apologies for the randomness.