Reunion Crunch-Time

Well, I'm down to my last 9 days before my 10 year high school reunion. If you recall about 6 weeks ago, I was focused to lose weight for the reunion. The first two weeks went well, and then I stalled out for the next month or so. This past weekend? Not so good. It wasn't that I gave up completely... I just knew that the last two weeks I was going to go back to no bad carbs and really pumping up my workouts. So I gave myself a bit of a break. I'm over it, not punishing myself for it, but was disheartened when I got on the scale on Monday. However, this week has been really good. Back down to where I was and maybe even a pound lighter. But I tell you, when the drug rep brought in pizza for the office for lunch today, it was hard to resist. I did resist, but wasn't happy about doing so. I so look forward to having this reunion over and done with so I don't have to be so good about things.

Anyway... here is the new dilemma: what to wear? Should I buy a cute dress or a cute new top (and maybe new jeans)? I'm going to go shopping sometime this weekend and, while I don't have a ton of extra money right now, I do have enough to splurge on something new and cute to wear after all my hard work to look good. I really want to be the type of girl who wear cute dresses during the summer and so I kinda want to buy a dress. But I've always been more of the jeans and cute top kinda girl. I don't love my legs (they are really muscular) and so I like to hide them when possible. But dresses are in style these days, so I don't want to look out of place. It's tough being a girl sometimes.

Lest you think I'm a whore

I re-read my last post and I just wanted to clarify that I'm not sleeping with all these men or anything. Harmless making out is all. I know better than letting things go too far. And I know, many women would like to have the problem of too many men. I don't like it. I'd rather just have one steady guy who thinks I'm all he needs. And update, I think I maybe don't have this problem anymore and have ruined my chances with both Bass and San Francisco. I haven't heard from either of them since Tuesday, even though I've texted San Francisco and emailed Bass. I guess it may be back to the drawing board...

It's Not Easy Being a Bachellorette...

... I don't know how DeAnna from ABC's The Bachellorette does it. She is apparently good at dating. I am not. (I know I've said this before, but bear with me.)

I went out with my friend J last night. She just broke up with her boyfriend and I'm trying desperately to distract her so she isn't tempted to give him another chance. (Sidenote: I'm all for giving someone second chances, or more sometimes, but not when they don't deserve it. This guy does not deserve it. He yells at her all the time, tells her he hates her dog, that he never wants to have kids with her, that she just brings him down... she is a wonderful person and does not need to deal with this jerk-off). In any case, Bass was supposed to come out with us and bring a friend of his. Well he decided last minute he didn't want to come out cuz he was tired. Fine. Whatever. J and I still go out, and we go to the bar that Bass and San Francisco frequent.

I NEED TO STOP GOING TO THIS BAR!

(Reasons for the above statement will become painfully clear momentarily).

So there J and I are, drinking some drinks, doing our thing, discussing reasons why the ex is a jerk. About 12:30, San Francisco comes in. I didn't know he'd be there, nor was I necessarily looking for him to be there, but there he was. He makes his rounds, saying hi to everyone he knows, and then comes and sits down with me and J. Once he sat down with us, next thing we know, we've got about 5 other guys hanging out with us too. Anyway, long story short, we all have a good time, drinking and whatnot. There's this guy there, Hockey Boy, who's cute and kinda flirty with me, but San Francisco is pretty much all about me so Hockey Boy doesn't flirt too much. We all leave the bar, San Francisco asks me if I'm coming over to his place, and I'm not sure what to do, so I say maybe and we leave it at that. Everyone pretty much takes off except for Hockey Boy and J. J and I spend some time discussing whether I should go to San Francisco's place and she thinks I should, and then she leaves, leaving me and Hockey Boy. He and I talk a little bit, he invites me to go to this other bar for one more drink, which didn't end up happening and so we're saying goodbye, he gives me a hug, and the next thing I know, we're making out. Now do you understand why I need to stop going to this bar? I just keep ending up with new guys who all know each other. And that? Extremely stressful for a girl who sucks at dating.

Back to San Francisco... I do end up going to his place. (Yes, after having already made out with Hockey Boy... don't judge!). He and I are kinda making out a bit and the whole time I'm feeling guilty about Bass. I'm thinking about how Bass probably wouldn't be too thrilled to know I was doing this, and likewise I wouldn't really want him making out with an acquaintance of mine. Plus I have more already invested in time with Bass, so I don't want to just throw that away. Especially since San Francisco has had plenty of opportunities to hang out with me since the last time we hung out and he hasn't. It felt more like it was a convenience thing and he was just doing it for the hook-up as opposed to actually liking me and wanting to date me. I basically stopped it before things went too far (a little boob action is all) because I felt so guilty about it. And he knew. He asked me if it was cuz of Bass.

I'm kinda thinking I need to just take a break from these guys for a while. Step back, relax, take a few deep breaths. Ultimately I want a guy who wants to commit to me. I know it sounds whiny, but I want a boyfriend. I don't like doing this dating thing. I like the relationship thing way better. So maybe a break is in order to reassess the situation...

Except Hockey Boy wants me to go to the bar Friday night... maybe I'll take a break after Friday... :)

Help!

I seem to have gotten myself into a pretty, pretty little pickle, and so I implore any reader out there, even if you just happened upon my blog while trying to procrastinate from doing something you really don't want to do, to give me some insight as to what to do next. Sometimes I can't see things clearly for myself, and need all the help I can get.

Okay, so if you read my blog regularly, or semi-regularly, you know about this guy Bass who I've been seeing. If you're here for the first time and desperately need background knowledge of Bass, you can read about it here, here, and here. So a couple weeks ago, Bass wasn't feeling well, and being the nice person that I am, I took him soup one night. I would do this for anyone I'm dating or friends with, so I saw no big deal in doing this. That's just how I am. After that night, I literally didn't hear from him for like 5 days, and even then it was short. I didn't actually see him again after taking him soup for two weeks. And we had been seeing each other at least once a week for like 5 or 6 weeks at this point, so I was a bit perturbed. But again, he said he wanted to take things slow, he wasn't ready for a relationship, he liked me but wanted to keep things casual for now and see how it all went. Fine.

So then finally, last Tuesday, he texts me and asks what I'm doing that night. I said I wasn't sure since I might be going out with some friends. When plans with my friends fell through I asked if he wanted me to join him for a drink while we watched the NBA game. He said sure, so I met him at the bar he was already at, where he had been drinking. Now, this is a bar he goes to regularly, where he knows pretty much everyone there. I come in, we say hi, he's kinda all over the place talking to people. I pretty much decided to let him do his things, and I'd stay put at the bar, and he could come back to me as he pleased. Well this guy, we'll call him San Francisco, came over and was talking to me. He knows Bass, knows I was there with Bass, and asks if Bass is my boyfriend. I explain that he's not but we'd been talking for a few weeks. San Francisco proceeds to sit next to me and talk to me for most of the night. Bass comes back periodically and doesn't seem to care that I'm talking to this other guy. Anyway, I give San Francisco my phone number when he asks for it and we make plans to get together the next day. I leave with Bass and go back to his house for the night.

Fast forward to Saturday. I meet up with Bass at this same bar with my friend S, and San Francisco is there also. We're all having a good time, and things seem good. I once again leave with Bass and go back to his place. Well San Francisco texts me when I'm hanging out with Bass, who claims that it must be a booty call for me. When he texts again, Bass grabs my phone to see who it is, not in a mad way but in a playful way. He sees that its San Francisco and kinda gets jealous. I explained that I was there with him, so not to worry about it. Now Bass seems a little jealous and I haven't heard from him in a couple days, even though I've texted him. He did call me Sunday, so I don't think he's too mad at me, or he wouldn't have called me then, right? I wasn't trying to hurt Bass or piss him off, so I don't know how to handle this at this point.

Here are the questions that I'm wrestling with regarding this mess: do I apologize to Bass? I don't really feel like I did anything wrong, except maybe the fact that the other guy I'm talking to is someone Bass knows. Do I explain to Bass that I like him, but I've been burned too many times in the past waiting around for a guy to decide what he wants, which is why I gave my number to someone else? Do I tell San Francisco that I can't date/talk/whatever him out of respect for Bass? (Sidenote: San Francisco and I did hang out last Wednesday. He kissed me a couple times, and I've heard from him every day except for one since then, but he hasn't made any plans to get together with me again although he says he wants to.) Do I quit overanalyzing it and just let the chips fall where they may, knowing that if Bass still likes me he'll eventually come around, and that if San Francisco likes me he'll eventually make plans with me? I like Bass. I don't know if I like him enough to be "exclusive" cuz I know he has a lot of relationship issues. But at the same time, I don't want to stop seeing him right now either. And I'm not sure if I like San Francisco cuz I haven't spent enough time with him to really know what he's all about. So I don't really want to make waves there either. So I don't know what to do at this point. So please, HELP!

And it's situations like this that make me say that I'm really, really bad at dating.

Annoyed

Here are the things I'm currently annoyed about:

1.) My lack of progress, weight-wise, no matter how good I am. I mean, I've been keeping track of my calories (haven't gone over 1600 calories, and typically fall around 1150 per day), eating the right types of foods, passing up cake and pizza at the office when it was someone's birthday, and playing on my Wii Fit every day, and I'm actually up about a pound from where I was a week ago. I've been focused. I haven't had any fast food for about a month. I cook. And what do I have to show for it? Nothing.

2.) My friend E from hs. She has always been self-centered and self-involved, but lately I guess it's been bothering me more. A couple weeks ago, I was stressed out about what to do about Bass and called her to get someone else's opinion and insight. She didn't answer the phone, so I left a message explaining why I was calling and the fact that I was stressed. Tried calling her the next day, and again she didn't answer. This time I didn't leave a message, and I got a text from her a few minutes later saying she had a headache and would try to call me the next day. Since then the only thing I've heard from her was two mass texts (sent to me and all her other friends) telling us how her boyfriend was doing (he had to have surgery). Maybe I'm being selfish, but if you can't be bothered to call me back when I'm obviously upset about something, than maybe I don't care how your boyfriend is doing. I know that sounds mean, and I am glad that the surgery went well (it wasn't life-threatening or anything), but still if you don't care about what's going on in my life, why should I care about yours?

3.) The fact that it's beautiful outside and I'm stuck at work. Okay, I'm mildly annoyed about this often I guess... I mean who wouldn't rather be enjoying the nice weather? But it's worse today because I don't have any patients to see the rest of the day or all day tomorrow! So I have nothing really to do, and yet here I sit while the sun shines outside.

4.) Men. C'mon, you knew it was coming! Bass is acting a little weird. he's been sick for about a week, but when he first starting getting sick, I still heard from him. Then I took him soup last week and called him the next day. He never called back. And when I finally texted him last night, he texted back but it was short and something about it just seemed off. I shouldn't care, and I guess I don't really, cuz I don't think he's "the one" but it has been nice to have someone to hang out and hook up with on a regular basis. So I guess I'm annoyed about it ending (if it is, who knows?) cuz it means I'll go back to being more lonely.

5.) The fact that I'm jealous that both my brother's have exciting things going on in their lives. Older brother and his wife are getting to go see Ohio State play USC next year at the Collesium (he went to school at USC, and we live in Buckeye country, so this really is a pretty cool deal). Plus, he's off this week to go to Florida with a couple of his friends for a few days. And little brother got a gig down in the Dominican Republic. So he gets basically an all-expenses paid trip down there and gets paid on top of that. I'm happy for them both, I really am, but I want something exciting to happen to me also! And quite honestly, I'm more annoyed about the fact that I'm jealous than annoyed about what they get to do cuz I don't want to be a bitter sister.

I guess that's it for now. Maybe I should write a list of things I'm happy about so that I can try to see the bigger picture...