3* reasons I'm in a crappy mood today

-My grandpa is not doing well. He can barely drink half a can of ensure at a time before choking. He can't really talk. He has trouble breathing sometimes. He probably won't make it through the weekend. But he's hanging on for now... he was hoping to make it to his birthday, which is next Thursday. Who know's if he will. He's had a good life and is at peace with dying. It's harder on the rest of us than it is on him.

-I checked my email last night to find a notice from Facebook saying that The Reason had added me as a friend. This sent me into a tailspin. I haven't spoken to him in over a year and haven't seen him in almost a year and a half. Why would he add me as a friend? He's moved on, has a new (long-term) girlfriend. Granted, I'm friends with him on myspace, but that's cuz he started his myspace page when he and I were dating. And yes, I'm friends with one of his friends on facebook, cuz he added me as a friend back when the Reason and I were still talking. And I know he just joined facebook and just went through his email contacts to see who was on there, but he didn't have to add me. It would be different if he and I actually had remained friends after the break-up, like I have with many of my other exes. But I left that door open to him, and he chose to close it. Now, I can confirm or deny his friend request. I think I should deny it, although I think that makes me look bitter and bitchy. But I will probably end up confirming it, cuz I apparently like self-torture.

-I had a dream about the young ex last night. A really good dream. Let me back up and say that he has been texting me for about a month, a couple times a week or so, wanting to get together. Which always leads to the bedroom. So, given my new rule, I've given him excuses every time. (I haven't told him about the rule in case I change my mind and decide I want birthday sex after all, he'd be the most likely candidate since I wouldn't do it with anyone new). But hearing from him so often is probably why I dreamt of him last night. And like I said, it was a really good dream. I mean, yes, in the dream we had sex. But it went beyond that, to us being together again and him treating me wonderfully, and just generally feeling safe and protected and taken care of. In other words, the kind of relationship I want. Not necessarily with him, just in general. I just remember being so happy in my dream. And then I woke up to reality.

*Okay I have a fourth:

-I tried publishing this post about 10 times, each time getting a message saying that the page could not be displayed, even though my internet connection is "excellent". So I have to wait now and try again later. I sometimes hate technology.