left in the dust

I know I've written about this before, but I guess it's still bugging me, so I need to vent a little more. I feel like I've been left behind from all my friends, now that they are all in loving relationships. Like I said before, they deserve it. But everything seems different now.

I went out with S and Fly Boy on Saturday night. Now you may recall that I was grumpy that day anyway, so maybe it wasn't the best choice to go out with the two of them. Either way, I did. I figured it would be a good opportunity to get a guy's opinion about this guy I've been talking about. But when I start telling him the story, mentioning that it was an online thing, he rolled his eyes. I don't think this would have bugged me so much if I hadn't already been grumpy, but it set me off that night. It made me feel pathetic for dating online, even though clearly I'm not meeting anyone any other way. And when I'm already feeling a little low about being the only one without someone, I didn't need that. So I basically just became a bitch the rest of the night... refused to tell the rest of the story and said something like "why don't you guys just go back to making out, since that's so much fun for me." I didn't really talk to them, I didn't really smile, I didn't really do much of anything. Not one of my finer moments. I felt bad and apologized the next day, and they both said it was no big deal. But since then, things have seemed more strained with S. Maybe I'm overanalyzing, as I'm likely to do, but it just seems a little distant.

I don't need a guy to validate me and know that I'm an amazing woman. I really don't. I know this may not come across very often, since I'm always talking about my love life, or lack thereof, but it's true. I'm doing my own thing most of the time. I'm taking golf lessons, playing on a softball team this summer, and thinking about how I can improve this program I'm running at work. I generally am content with things. But it would just be nice to have someone to go out to dinner with one night if I don't feel like cooking. Or cuddle and watch movies with some Friday night cuz I don't feel like going to a bar. Or go take a wlk with on a nice spring afternoon. Just some compainionship I guess.

The guy continues to be confusing. I texted him Friday to see how he was feeling. He was still sick so it was a very brief conversation. But at least he texted back. And then Sunday morning he called me to chit chat a bit. We talked for about 10 minutes and he said he'd call me back after he got done eating. He never called back and didn't answer when I called him that night to see if he wanted to do something this week. He texted me yesterday to see how my day was going, again a very brief conversation, and then when I again asked if he wanted try and get together sometime this week, I got no response. So i've basically decided to just not worry about it any more. If he likes me, and he appears to still have some interest in me since he called and texted the past 2 days, then I'll hear from him again and probably eventually see him again. If he doesn't, then it's his loss and it wasn't meant to be. We'll see...

Oh, and I got a text from the young ex the other night also. He's apparently single again, since he's texting me. He always comes back to me. Luckily my phone wasn't near me, and by the time I got back to him he was already getting ready for bed... cuz I haven't gotten laid in a while and so I probably would have given in! lol