Demons

I had a moment last night when all my demons about my ex, demons I though I had exorcised and gotten out of my system, came rushing back. I was taking a cooking class at Williams-Sonoma (how to make home-made pasta, yummy!), which was located at a mall near his house. Now, driving up there I started to feel a little anxious. After all, I was heading back to a place that I hadn't been in many months. A place that held so many memories of him and I together. Not that we went to this particular mall together too often, but on a couple occasions we did, and really I think it was just being in the general vicinity. Driving down roads I used to take to his place, seeing restaurants we had gone to, remembering all the laughing and fun we had. But I shook this off, and thought to myself, "This mall holds no significance for the two of you. Williams-Sonoma holds no significance for the two of you. You will be just fine and will not think of him. He means nothing to you anymore, after all."

And this worked for the majority of the time. In fact, once I got there I was just happy to learn about cooking and pushed him far from my mind (which is where he is most of the time anyway). Then, about halfway through the class, I heard the security guard out in the corridors of the mall say "Hello, how are you guys tonight?" (or something to that effect, really the exact quote doesn't matter). And for some reason, my heart, mind, and the pit of my stomach, just knew that if I turned around I would see the ex with his new girlfriend. It shook me to the absolute core, and I'm not really sure why. It completely terrified me. Of course, likely it wasn't them (I obviously didn't turn around to find out), but it made me realize that I am in no way, shape, or form ready for the potential run-in with him. And I really thought I'd be okay with it if I saw him again. Of course, in all my thoughts of potentially seeing him, we were both out with friends at a bar, which in my mind seemed a lot less scary than seeing him sober at Williams-Sonoma.

I thought I was completely over him. Does this incident mean I'm really not? Or is it just that when you've cared about someone so deeply, those feelings never completely go away?