Ah, love

I am in love. With my ex-boyfriend. Who I am still "casually dating" although I think he thinks of it as "friends with benefits." Who would be satisfied with that? Um, not me. Now this one, I know, I do have some control over. I should just stop seeing him and eventually I will get over him and meet someone else. I'm even halfway trying, with eharmony, but haven't found anyone who I think could replace him. I know that I will stop seeing him sometime, when it gets to be too unbearable. I'll make the demand... "Either be with me, or I'm gone." For now, I'm trying to be patient with him, give him the "space" he claims he needs, and hope for the best.

Here's the bottom line in my opinion of love, and this will be a big step back for feminism. I just want to marry a guy who I'm in love with and be a housewife. I want to raise the kids, cook the meals, clean the house, do the errands... all of those things that women are supposed to not want to do as much these days. I feel like my purpose in life is to have children, to have a husband, and to take care of them all. That's what I want. Sure, maybe I'd work depending on the financial situation. But my first priority would be my family. And I feel like I'm getting to that age where I need to start getting on that.

I know, I'm still young and there's plenty of time and no need to rush into marriage. And I'm really not planning on rushing into marriage. But think about it... having kids after age 35 raises the risk of complications, so I'd prefer to have them before that just to be safe. Plus, I'd want to be married for a couple years before having kids to enjoy just having each other. And I'd want to be with the man I'm going to marry at least a year before getting engaged and then another year to plan the wedding. This all doesn't give me too much time here! Now, I know things don't always go as you plan or want them to, and I'm trying to chill from the "plan" to just relax and realize that whatever happens will happen. But that plan is always in the back of my mind. Plus I think I'm just a better person when I'm in a relationship. I'm more stress-free, happier, and generally just enjoy things more. Not that I'm dependent on others to make me happy, but I just would rather be with someone than alone.

Well I think that's it. All of the major reasons I can think of as to why I'm unsatisfied with my life currently. Which means I will hopefully just blog about something else, something more fun maybe. Would that be a shock or what?!