A little more calm

I think I'm feeling a little better than I was yesterday when all I could do was bitch about my ex. Trust me, I was still pissed at him today, but I think I'm a little more calm than I was earlier. I wanted so bad to send him an email today and tell him why I'm pissed. Explain to him that it makes me feel like he doesn't consider me to be a friend, but rather just some chick he's banging. I opted not to though. Partly because I don't think it would do any good, and actually think it might hurt whatever we have even more than it is at this point. And the other part of me decided it would just make more sense to leave him alone. It's up to him at this point to decide where to go from here.

I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. I honestly thought that's where the relationship was going. But I need him to respect me more if that's going to happen. I deserve better than just being his booty call while he's figuring things out. And even moreso, I need to respect myself enough more and put an end to it now. If and when he decides to call me and see me again, then I will hopefully be strong enough to tell him that. Explain to him that I do want to be with him, but I can't do it this way. He needs to make a choice to either be with me, just be friends with no sex, or else we'll both go our separate ways. And if he wants to try again in the future, it will be up to him to make that choice and let me know. Maybe I'll be willing to as well, and maybe I'll have already moved on. Either way, right now I need to concentrate on myself and not allow this to affect me anymore. God I say this with such conviction here. Promise not to be mad if it doesn't go down exactly that way in real life...