1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back

I should have known it was too good to be true. That if it seemed like a fairy tale, it couldn't be real. With Juice. And it's not even something he did, or didn't do, or anything I can be upset about. let me back up...

I knew going into this that he had recently gotten out of a 4 year relationship. Things had been bad for a while, and when she broke up with him, he still tried to be the bigger person by helping her out as much as possible, even still living with her because she couldn't afford to get a place of her own. And I knew, even before he said so, that he had to still have some feelings for her. You don't get out of a relationship that's lasted that long without still having something there. Even if you know it's never going to work.

So I got it when he called me yesterday, upset after having a fight with her. I understood why he was hurt when she was being a bitch and saying just rude, personal things to him. I told him to come over and stay with me, which he did. When he got there, and was sitting with me, I asked if he needed or wanted anything. He squeezed my hand and said, "This is all I need right now, just being here with you." We hung out, relaxed, just enjoyed each other's company. He left this morning, kssing me goodbye as I was still half asleep (he has to be at work way earlier than me) and told me he'd call me later.

I text him when I get up and around and he calls back a few mintues later. Over the course of a couple phone calls, briefly interrupted by a phone call from his momma (as he calls her, isn't that adorable?), he tells me that he's looking into a new job that a friend of his told him about. He'd be making more money, but working 70-80 hours a week. And the job is in West Virginia. (Note: we live in Ohio). He quickly says that the job gives him money to drive home whenever possible. Okay...

He also says that his momma has things to do tonight and just told him to stay at her house tonight, when he had been planning to stay at my place again. After he says he's gonna stay there he says something to the effect of, "I think this will be good, cuz it will give me time to sit and think about what I need to do. Think about what's best for me and everyone around me and in my life." Umm, I'm guessing that includes me. He also says something about just taking everything a day at a time.

He pretty much ends the conversation saying, "I appreciate everything you did for me last night, baby. I needed you to be there for me and you were and I can't thank you enough. And... (kinda delayed pause) you're great." He said he just wanted to let me know where his head's at and where he'll be, and also that he would call me tonight from his mom's.

I understand, maybe I'm just expecting the worst. But just the things he said, or maybe the way he said it, makes me feel like after he's done thinking, he'll decide that it's not the right time to start anything with me. That it wouldn't be fair, given everything that's going on with him right now. I don't doubt that he likes me. And I don't doubt that if timing was different, he wouldn't have to think about it. He knows I'm a sweetheart and I think he does want to be with me. I just don't want him to give up on something that could potentially be great because he thinks it will be too much work right now, or that the timing is bad. Yeah, the timing could be better. But I think that it's still worth a shot, and I don't think he's going to be willing to give it that.

I know, everyone will say, "He's not worth it. If he wants to be with you, he'll make it work, otherwise forget him. Just move on. He does have too much drama surrounding him and you deserve someone without baggage." Okay, true. But it's hard to explain. There was this magic, fairy tale like feeling to us. And you don't feel that every day. Hell, you can go a lifetime without feeling that. And I don't want him to give up on that just yet. But I have no control over it. All I can do at this point is let him do his thinking, and then have a sit-down face to face chat about how I feel and see what comes of it. It just sucks that I know that if it doesn't work out, it isn't because we don't have feelings for one another. It's just timing.