Nothing

Well still no word from Juice. I'm trying not to be the clingy, pushy girlfriend... but that's hard when I know he's "thinking" right now (okay maybe not right now, since he's at work). Granted, I don't know what he's thinking about exactly. It could be that he's just thinking about whether he should take this new job if he gets it, or where he should live right now considering the crazy ex-girlfriend situation. Or it could be more complicated... like whether he's really ready to start a new relationship if he's still fresh out of the last one, or whether its fair to drag me through this when he's got a lot going on (which he's already said previously). So I didn't call him last night, or text him this morning like I often do. I waited until after my lunch and then sent a simple "Hey babe, just wanted to check on you and see if you're doing okay. hope you're having a great day :)" No mention of call me or text me. No mention of talking. No stress, just a nice I'm thinking of you kinda text. No pressure. No word from that either, but again he's at work and doesn't always have his phone on him or is able to respond or whatever right away. I really do want to talk to him though, face to face, and let him know that I'm there for him. That I will respect and understand any decision he makes, but that I'm willing to try and make this work. Not to worry about whether it's fair to me or not, because as soon as I think it's not fair to me, I'll let him know. The thing is that I think if we have a face to face chat, he'd want to come over right from work, cuz its easier, and the only day to do that would be tomorrow since I don't have any patients and can get home from work early. But that would mean I'd have to talk to him tonight, and since I already sent him a text, if I get no response to that I'd have to call him and he'd have to answer the phone. These were not things I worried at all about a couple days ago. I'd assume he'd respond to my text when he had time and if I didn't hear from him, I'd call and it would be no big deal. But now I'm overanalyzing it all and thinking, well I don't want him to think I'm obsessed (which maybe I am right now, but only cuz I'm not a fan of being in limbo and not knowing what's going on) or forcing him to make a decision about us.

Okay, I have to stop thinking. All of that just kinda spewed out of my brain and onto the page without too much thought. Which means that my brain is a little overflowing with this shit. I wish I had more going on at work today to give me something else to think about. But, as usual, I don't have any patients until late this afternoon. And I didn't have any reports to work on or anything. So I've had a bunch of time to just sit and think. And think the worst. Which makes me sad. So I'm officially going to stop talking/thinking about him until at least 6, which I should be done seeing patients and leaving work. And I'll only think about him then because I will turn the ringer on my phone back on, which will mean I'll find out then whether he called or texted me back. Wish me luck in trying to distract myself!

And thanks for listening to me vent. S is the only one of my friends who has come around. She apologized for yesterday and sat with me at lunch to discuss the Juice situation. But everyone else... nothing. So thanks for being there for me!