Friday Night, AKA A Night I'd Like to Forget

I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats wondering if I went to the bar on Friday. Well, I admit it. I did.

But before you all get up in arms about how I shouldn't have done that, let me go on to say that I didn't actually go inside the bar. We (me, S, her bf, and another guy we know from softball) got there. Looked into the bar and saw 2 older people (think 50's maybe) dancing and that was about it. Granted, it was still earlier than what that place usually picks up, but we didn't want to pay the $5 to get in if it was gonna be lame. Plus, I realized it just didn't matter. The Reason doesn't matter anymore. He should go on with his life. I should go on with mine. And if our paths ever meet again, well then so be it. (I will graciously accept any applause you'd like to throw my way now. Trust me, you may not be applauding later).

So, why then, you might ask, is Friday a night I'd like to forget? I was upset about Juice. I was in a funk. I was pissed off at men and hating everything. So when we first get to the other bar we decide to go to and Other Softball Boy (OSB, who doesn't actually play softball with us, but is the brother of one of the girls on the team and comes to all of our games... so he's not really friends with the softball boys, this becomes important later) asks me if I want a shot? I decidedly repsond, "Tequila." Oh tequila. Now, one tequila shot? Not such a problem. It's when I have more than one that I get all messed up. That night? Three or four tequila shots. I lost count. Not to mention the other girly shots I had. And the beer. Several beers.

I was clearly on a mission to get drunk. On a mission to forget. On a mission to just not care anymore. Mission complete. We're all having a good time. We're all dancing in a group. We're all sorts of being silly. And then OSB kisses me. And kisses me. And kisses me. At first, I go along with it, but soon I realize that I don't want to be kissing him. That every time he kisses me, I wish it were Juice. And that? That brings on the tears. Luckily the bar was closing, so the tears happened outside, after we left. But they just kept coming and coming. I remember sobbing to S, "I miss him. I didn't mean to kiss OSB. I wanted it to be Juice." And then smoking a ciggarette, which btw, I don't do.

I don't want it to get back to Juice. But it very well might. And I can't do anything about it. if it does, it does. If it doesn't, great. I know Juice can't be mad at me. He's the one who can't be with me right now. But seriously? The day after we break up, I'm kissing someone else? Not nice. And possibly enough to make him not want to be with me ever again. Which I know is my fault. Maybe I'm overdramatizing. Maybe it won't matter to him, since it was just kissing and it brought me to tears. Who knows. I guess we'll see. Last we spoke he said he'd call over the weekend or beginning of this week. Haven't heard from him yet, but there's still time.

We're going out this Friday for my birthday (which is a week from tomorrow). And by "we" I'm not really sure who all I mean. Juice said he'd come out with us. S and her bf. OSB said he was, but that was before all the kissing and crying. My brother and sister-in-law will come. Some of his friends probably. Alledgedly the young ex and his friends want to join. I'm just hoping it will be better than last Friday. Lot of drinking and maybe not so many tears.